Whether you only want to have some fun or are holding out for a serious commitment, today’s love scene comes with a whole lot of weird baggage that we, for some reason, decided is no big deal. So, Reddit user JustLittleGirl_ thought it was time for a reality check, and kicked off a conversation on the platform, asking, “What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic when you think about it?” The answers poured in, and they’re as honest, frustrating, and painfully relatable as they can get.
#1
So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back.
“Displays of love” like that always creep me out.
If we were to take a quantitative look at the romantic landscape, a poll by Change Research of people between 18 and 34 would reveal that women’s biggest red flag when looking for a relationship is a date revealing they’re a MAGA Republican, with 76% of them saying it’s a turnoff.
The second biggest red flag for women is folks who “have no hobbies” (66%), and the third is those who say, “All Lives Matter” (60%).
#2
Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?
#3
Testing people instead of being honest.
When it comes to men in the same age group, the biggest turn-off is people who identify as “communist” (64%), but they also have problems with those who have no hobbies (60%), as well as MAGA Republicans (59%).
Other turnoffs for men include being interested in astrology (41%) and saying, “All Lives Matter” (41%).
#4
Recording your partner for pranks or “relationship tests” for social media.
#5
I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.
#6
On the other hand, both men and women overwhelmingly agreed that they are very interested in potential partners who read: 95% of women and 91% of men said reading is a green flag.
They also agreed that they are interested in people who research the best deals and rates before buying things: 88% of women listed being a smart consumer as a green flag, and men were close behind with 85%.
Interestingly, men (63%) and women (51%) also agreed it’s a green flag when someone looks better in person than in their online photos.
#7
Treating jealousy as a love language.
#8
Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.
#9
Posting publicly your lover’s quarrel. Like bruh, you’re embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??
All in all, people seem to be content with the big picture. Results of the Forbes Health/OnePoll survey, which surveyed 5,000 Americans who have actively dated in the last five years, show that nearly 60% feel either very or somewhat positive about dating. 23% feel indifferent to dating, with just over 13% reporting negative feelings toward it. Additionally, men appear to have more positive sentiments (68%) compared to women (55%).
#10
Having to get permission from your partner before going out or running errands.
#11
Being expected to talk 24/7 and have no life outside of each other.
#12
Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.
#13
Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.
#14
Sending unsolicited d**k pics.
#15
The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.
(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).
